Lunching at Ocean Garden With Our Moms

George Washington Carver, the great educator and agriculturist who persevered in spite of being born into slavery, once said, “How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong, because at some point in your life you will have been all of these.”

When I stumbled upon a poster with this quote, I had to have it. I took it home and hung it in a place where I would see it every day. And over the years, it has meant more and more to me, maybe because the sentiment is so true and worthy of reaching the attention of every man, woman, and child and maybe because I am now at the age where I have been almost all of these.

It’s one thing to look back and remember the stages of your life and what you needed and appreciated from your family and friends during each time. It is another thing to look into the unknown, the path you have yet to travel and figure out how to treat those who have arrived there before you. It lends new meaning to the “Golden Rule”; do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

My husband and I recently traveled to Maine to visit our Moms. Since they live in neighboring towns, Gorham and South Portland, we often make it a double date. They seem to enjoy these visits since they have a lot in common…us and their age. Our Moms, born ten months apart, are almost ninety. Each has her wits about her which makes the visits very enjoyable and neither can eat as much as they used to which makes lunch fairly economical.

Sure, we’ve heard the same stories a hundred times but then our children say the same thing about us. I think that during the average lifespan most people acquire only a dozen or so good stories, so if one lives to be say, more than forty, it is inevitable that their stories are going to get repeated.

"Oh, guess what happened to my car?" my mother-in-law said with considerable animation.
"Uh, Flossie hit it, right!" my husband said winking at his mother.
Undaunted, she continued, "But did I tell you it's going to cost..."
"Five grand," my husband interrupted.
Further undaunted, my mother-in-law concluded, "Well, it was good no one was hurt, don't you think?"
We all chuckled and my husband gave his Mother a hug. She smiled back, happy to get in the last word.
But occasionally, our Moms come up with a few surprises.

“Rhonda’s emails are very funny,” my mother commented about our oldest daughter halfway through the meal at Ocean’s Garden. “Oh, yes,” my mother-in-law joined in, “that story about little Jesse and the baseball bat was a good one.”

They both started laughing, my mother holding onto her side while trying to keep from falling out of her chair. Their eyes were welling up with tears when one of them finally sighed and said, “Oh that was a good one.”

They returned to their meals as if nothing had ever happened. My husband and I settled back into our seats, relieved that neither one of them was going to require the Heimlich maneuver.

At the end of the meal we chatted over cups of decaf and then walked our Moms to their cars.

Yes, they still drive but not as far. Speed, yes, I think they’ve maintained a 30 mph philosophy since the 1950’s but that works for them and as long as we don’t have to drive behind them on the highway, we really don’t mind.

And while our Moms no longer venture very far, they have traveled a great distance according to Mr. Carver who expressed how far we go in our lives in terms of tenderness, compassion, sympathy and tolerance.

How far will my husband and I travel according to Mr. Carver, we wonder sometimes as we think about all we’ve learned from these elderly creatures.
And how will our children treat us as we approach our ninth decade?

I guess we’ll try to get there first before we spend too much time wondering. But we hope that with all we have learned during life's journey, we have at least left a well marked trail for our children.